DisasterofChoice

"You've gotta do what you want to do, no matter what it takes, or who you lose, because in return people will start doing "you" too." ahh, this year has been so weird. or maybe i've been so weird. internally. i feel chemical/natural substances in some ways have really opened my mind--on a philosophical and psychological, personal level. however, i feel more unsatisfied than i ever have before. like, the more knowledge i have, the unhappier i am.  i feel i've gotten a little socially fucked, and definitely more self-aware.  I know I can build myself into whatever kind of person i wish to be. i know i can act however i want "me" to act, bu

Holding a steaming cup filled with hot chocolate, my mom wrapped her arm around my back to keep me warm.  Every exhale let out a cloud of breath in the frigid but magical night air.  Christmas awaited around every corner, and as we approached a large building, I grabbed my mom's hand for reassurance and also out of excitement.  I looked back dreamily on past Christmas parties with my mom and dad, with my "Grandma-Jeannie", and all my older cousins. We would walk into those party houses together and at once a crowd would gather around to receive hugs and kisses, or the occasional cheek-pinch. My dad would actually stay the entire time with us,

like i do with the majority of my problems. i realized this week that i haven't thought about the negative, damaging and disturbing aspects of my childhood.  i mean REALLY pondering them--analyzing, admitting, concluding, changing... and then yesterday i went out with my dad and learned so much--some, most, disappointing.  he told me the thing i suspected, but never developed a real issue with it like i had always thought.  it was something much trashier that within six months made him an in-patient. another thing i realized is how hazy my childhood memories really are, or the ones i can reach.  My memories are much more imagined than i th