"You've gotta do what you want to do, no matter what it takes, or who you lose, because in return people will start doing "you" too."

ahh, this year has been so weird.
or maybe i've been so weird.
internally.

i feel chemical/natural substances in some ways have really opened my mind--on a philosophical and psychological, personal level.

however, i feel more unsatisfied than i ever have before. like, the more knowledge i have, the unhappier i am. i feel i've gotten a little socially fucked, and definitely more self-aware. I know I can build myself into whatever kind of person i wish to be. i know i can act however i want "me" to act, but playing the same role for so long seems to stamp your forehead, where it's hard to change. it's hard to break away, although that is what needs to be done.

i know i've been subconsciously losing people. Backing waaay the fuck away, to potentially "protect" myself and my heart. I'm afraid, scared to death of loving and getting too close, although THAT IS WHAT I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING. to love, and share, and touch, and get close to people.

i need connection.